I have a lesson to learn and my Teacher is helping me to pass it. The Holy Spirit has led me to the place of learning the importance of trusting the Lord. I have been here before, but resisted the Teacher; only to repeat the class.
The lesson hurts. It hurts to give up my will and way. It hurts to have my emotions so vested in controlling the situation. I have come to the place where I fully understand that I can’t change anyone, including me. The dreaded word surrender comes to mind and I release the controls and turn everything into His loving hands. I stop fighting the process of redemption and rest.
In the process there are stages to my surrender. It is almost like the stages in grief. In the lesson the purpose is to ultimately trust God-totally and without reservations. The layers of defenses are being broken as I surrender each. The tools used are crisis and conviction.
The crisis comes and how I react or respond usually brings conviction. God built in us the desire to thrive, and sin warped its purpose. It became our drive for self-preservation. We became selfish and self-centered. The thinking “what’s in it for me” is old as the garden. The conviction is the Spirit of Christ reminding me that my life is hid in him and is crucified.
When we come to Christ and he indwells us the battle of the flesh vs. the Spirit of Christ is one for position. God uses the everydayness of life on earth to hone our walk in the Spirit or practice of His presence in our life. God uses hurts, pain, relationships, jobs, school, parents, children, animals, money or anything else He wants to use. God uses the interactions with other human beings, save or unsaved. It is the mundane everyday pits and falls of living on earth in our cities or towns that we learn how to live as people of God. “What do you have in your hands Moses?”
I was one who sought after the spectacular. I wanted to see many signs, wonders and miracles. I went from one spiritual high experience to another. I read every book that promised me success or mystical treat if I did these 6 or 10 steps. I wanted to be powerful and significant and to see Jesus face to face. I wanted all that without the journey of the cross, dying to self or brokenness. I had a “zap me Jesus” theology. More importantly I have a Father that wants a mature daughter that relates to him in sweet communion and fellowship. He is relentless in his pursuit of me- God wants my all. So, we go back to the crisis.
How does God bring me to total surrender and willing to learn the lesson? He sends pressure or takes a small step back and let’s history take its course. Now my usual response would be not to fight but flee the pressure/crisis. Yet, there comes the time when you just need to learn the lesson and grow up. It is also at that time that you desire more of God, then having your way.
I became tired living in lack and mediocrity. You can feel it in your gut that there is more to this then just getting by or trying to make it through. We are meant to be full and overflowing with God’s grace, mercy and love. We were meant to overcome by His blood and our testimony. Victory isn’t just a word to be song but a way of life for believers. I knew that more of him meant me giving him more of me.
The recent crisis and trust lesson was most painful, on two levels. First, it hurt to see my family go through the heartache, and second, it hurt me that I couldn’t fix it. God had told me to believe him for restoration no matter what it looks like. When I looked at the situation or even listen to what’s going on I have the choice to give into despair or rejoice in the God of miracles. Trust is built over time in God’s word. I trust that God restores, renews, and redeems people. I trust that what God wants for me and the people in my life is more then I can ever imagine.
The crisis caused me to surrender to God’s will and way-His word for this situation. So, when my emotions got in the way I confessed what I was feeling and sought for God’s power to touch my emotions. Another time my thoughts and imagination began to take over and I spoke the word to them. In my mind I pulled down and brought into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. I am learning to war with my praise and worship and filling my mind with “whatsoever thoughts” (Phil. 4:4-8). I simply surrender what I want, how I want, and when I want to God.
I trust Him. I am growing in faith and loving my God for sending what I need to know Him better, more and more each day. I love Him for that.
I was told sometime ago “faith that is not tested is a faith that can’t be trusted.”
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.
James 1:12
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